My Perimenopausal Script

FIRST ENTRY: UNKNOWN DATE in the MONTH of MAY or JUNE

Today I went for a walk with my daughter, our usual 10,000+ step exercise/meditation/journey. I wrapped this wrap around my waist designed to make me sweat. I begin this entry being rushed by my annoying daughter (who is finally ready and now she annoyingly rushes me), meanwhile I’m so patient I rush her—not! Anyhoo, I know this wrap thing, once I start sweating, will be annoying to walk in, but let me be positive. I can handle it and be in good energy/innergy of spirits and worth thee results shall it be! Because perimenopausal weight gain is a real thing and annoying it sure is! Anyhoo, we must love ourselves… ba humbug with that BS that we must find our peace in—until we find that peace… hellish it sure is! So let’s be real about that one! I am being beckoned/summoned/rushed… does she not understand that I am not Russian, I am Latina! Geez… stay tuned. Perimenopausal… fk you is what I want to say, meanwhile screaming at my cells to defy all logic and simply transmute in the way that it ought to be—know what I mean? But then reality settles in, and it’s like… well, if you don’t make any change, how is anything ever going to change? So you got to do a little more and put in the effort some more… this time you got to try to work for the body you naturally had and never fully appreciated. And so here enters the journey of loving thyself… true let it be the truth. So it’s going to take some going through and getting through to arrive… healthy, vivacious, regenerated on every cellular molecular level. Anyways… I’m being summoned again. Arrivederci.

5:18 PM:

If I were to be totally honest with myself—becoming stuck/immovable happens a lot to me/with me. Like no matter how it may appear to others on the outside, believing me to be so busy and productive based on my habits and productivity—they wouldn’t be wrong, but they wouldn’t be right either. Because no one sees the physical immobility unless you’re behind closed doors and witness it all. And the degrees of sight will differ for everybody. Writing that down just opened an entire Pandora’s box viewing to download and take up space in mind—clarification as to why I do what I do when I do and where it all stems from. And of course, behavioral patterns of conditioning and years of repeat patterns—there has to come this fork in the road private moment in one’s life that we ask the question to ourselves that would answer ever stuck formation within our infrastructure (vessel of life). I want in these still moments to instill better the habit of me beginning to write everything I am inspired to write in these stillness moments, getting lost in the abundance of this PDF-formatted legacy being scripted. It’s for the upliftment I am driven by the voices within me that truly love to pen and scribe onto parchments made to exist an eternity. Anyhoo… what was I saying within my not saying too much? Oh yes, I desire to dedicate 80% of my holiness stillness times to devote to my writing. Because whenever I don’t write or do something creative, I feel like I wasted time. And although every moment in stillness is worthy of evolution, it’s in moderation where we learn to distribute our portions of existence healthily, wealthily, and stealthily into our shared multidimensional perceived to be 3D reality of human/soul existence. The other 20% of time is to be productive in organization and cleanliness with those moments. So if we are not writing, then we are cleaning. I think that’s fair and appropriate percentages for maintaining success in one’s 3D realm of existence.

So I kept the sweat waist wrap on for our entire walk and errands run, and I am proud of myself. When I got back home, I removed the sweaty disgusting thing and felt good for learning to be comfortable inside of the uncomfortable and just get ish done even when you don’t want to do it—especially when it is already hot outside! I am the type of person who would rather be cold than hot unless I am in some body of pleasurable water that we can call festivities. If it’s not a pool or ocean, I am not interested in being hot—I’d rather be cool and layered up, and that’s all I will say about that! My cat is overly grooming herself right now, and that makes me think of doing some other things.

Till next time, arrivederci.